Virginia is for lovers? or jackasses?

Thought of the day...

Virginia is full of Jackasses!

Now wait....whoa...hear me out before you send me nasty-grams! AHEM. What I mean by that is this...so um I'm on my way back from B-Burg today and I stop in Dublin for a food and pp operations break at the Tacobell / Gas station off exit 101 on 81. I head for the bathroom. Now I know that each of us does the same thing when we go into a public bathroom. We do the "stall search". Meaning you check out a couple before you commit to one. I ask you this....what is the ONE thing we can count on seeing in EVERY public restroom stall in the world? That's right, graffiti! Mostly you see...

Sally Jessie hearts Billy Boy (etc)
Call 555-7734 for a good time! (etc)
Some ever so clever and witty rhyme about number 1 or 2 (etc)
...or like the porta-potty at area x of Schofield Barracks, HI announces: girls 2 fuck, listing the appropriate names. (did you make the list?)

Anyway, that's what we are subjected to each time we grace the doors of a public bathroom stall. If you are clueless you either have no kidneys or bowels or you've been in a cage using newspaper your whole life.

Well, lets just say that out of the 3 stalls I checked out today in this lovely truckstop establishment, 96.48 percent of the graffiti was POLITICAL! Mostly I saw things like:

"Bush SUCKS!"
"IMPEACH BUSH"
and even some potty stall spam for a website: buyblue.org (have no idea what it's about)

Needless to say that of the 96.48 percent political graffiti I read, 99.957 percent of it was indeed pro democrat.

Let me just say 2 things. 1, I love the fact that Virginians are so god damn political! And 2, I love it even more that they are so democratic! GOD BLESS EM!

The Refugee Camp

So I met this guy. Probably has the best attitude towards life of ANY one I've ever met! He's a refugee from New Orleans. He's been with UPS for 15 years and when the hurricanes were headed his way, he evacuated to Winston-Salem where he grew up. Since he's been staying here and working at our UPS. He had no ride to work so I offered to pick him up because man, I wanted to do something to help! He just got back from LA (the state not the city of Angels for you not so bright crayons out there) where he spent a week evalutating his loss. Turns out, my boy lost everything. :( That's tough. I can't imagine losing EVERYTHING I own including the life I had established. He called me up while he was down there, reported in the disaster from the front lines and announced his decision to make Winston-Salem his home. "There's nothing left down here"

Wow, that's some tear jerking stuff right there.

Monday, I picked him up for work and he climbs in my truck with this bag in hand. He announces that he did manage to salvage 2 things from his apt in New Orleans. One was a bottle of Elvis cologne which a friend had given him many years ago and which he plans on one day dumping on Elvis's grave in Graceland! And the other was a still in the package Rick James GOLD edition CD, the definitive collection, with 22 digitally remastered hits!



He pulls this CD out of the bag and hands it to me. "It's yours." He says. Isn't that AWESOME!! This guy amazes me! And not that I'm a huge Rick James fan or anything but to think that he lost everything and the one little remaining piece, he hands to me! The Rick James part was just an added bonus! He doesn't stop there....he reaches back in the bag and pulls out a t-shirt from Fat Harry's. This was for me as well. The guy is incredible.



Speakin of t-shirts, I'm still waiting on my "Limp Lifter" tee from Minneapolis! Rob, Dusty Dust? You're slackin.

Anyway, we're takin my lil refugee Bill out to Ziggy's this weekend. Cause that was his old drinkin spot back in the day and we're celebrating not only my b-day but his decision to make his life in the W-S. So if you aren't busy Saturday night, bring that ass to Ziggy's! And meet the man!

I just gotta work at it like a crack addict...

OH MY GOD! There is a new crack on the loose!



My latest addiction!

Why did we not have things like this when I was a kid???? Oh well, don't think I won't bust up in Walmart and buy me one anyway! I'm quite the little artist with my color explosion. Below you will see examples!



I call this one "TAG you're it"


The title of this one is "Let's see how much space on the paper we can use"


Appropriately titled "Kaya Jane" (My second latest addiction!!!!!)

ROME if you want to....

...46 days and countin!

Most of you know I'm headed for the beautiful and lovely (detect underlying sarcasm here) town of Rome, NY on DEC 19th. Now it's true I've never been to Rome before so I can't really judge it but from what I've heard it's not the most happening place in the world, unless of course you have some strange addiction to dollar stores. My motivation for heading to central NY tho is not for it's welcoming atmosphere or amazing landmarks and attractions. Nope, not at all. More because on the days I will be there.....I'll get a double dose of Deanna AND Erin! WOOOOOHOOOOOO! Been missin me some D to the double LL! And God knows me and Erin were jipped on our hang out time back in Hawaii. HUMPH! I'm still bitter about that!

ANyway, if you've frequented the blog at all, you know that these cats like to drink a little bit. Just a little bit. Hell, this blog alone is probably at least 80 proof. :) But I must admit, since vacating the 808 state my tolerance has trickled down to nothing. My normal consumption of a 12 pack a week has disgracefully turned into a six pack every two weeks! And according to D...since abandoned by ALL her friends this summer...she too has lost a bit of tolerance which means the mighty Rome and Joe Blows Hitchin post or where ever the hell they drink at up there might claim some lives!

This is why Erin...I mean Sprinkle McMittens has devised a plan for me and D see below:

"I took the liberty of developing a tolerance regime in order to prepare you for the vigorous alcohol consumption we will take part in upon your arrival:

1.47-33 days prior to NY arrival, consume 1 shot of 99 every 6 hours (preferably at 6am, 12pm, 6pm and 12am) Sunday threw Saturday- for the weekends you may need to set your alarm to have your morning shot.
2. 32-14 days prior, Up shot dosage to every 3 hours
3. 14-7 days prior, continue same dosage. Mix 1 part 99 of your choice to every 3 parts of your total liquid consumption...even if it means puttin it in your milk, do it.
4. 6 days prior, fill old IV Bag with 99 and insert needle to arm. refill bag as necessary for the next 6 days.

In the event that the above mentioned regime turns you into a raging alcoholic please read disclaimer below.

I, erin elerick take no responsibility for the effects and or outcome of the above advice however, my alter ego Sprinkle McMittens, assumes full legal responsibility in the event of a lawsuit directly resulting from the abuse of the above regime."

HOLY CHRIST! This is gonna be dangerous...unless of course our drinking is rudely interrupted by the sounds of Erin snoring at the bar which she apparently did at the RED LION in WAIKIKI!

my own disclaimer:

I pray to the Gods in the heavens that we live through this little endeavor. May we maintain an unfatal blood alcohol content and may I not walk away from the trip with yet another girlfriend! Cause just as the shirt Erin has made for me says: "I heart Rome girls and Rome girls heart me"

Fightin the Hype of the Stereotype!

You can't be a lesbian and NOT know the infamous joke about....

But let's pretend for a moment that...

1. You are heterosexual that wandered onto the site aimlessly and have no idea what you've gotten yourself into and also have no idea what connection Lesbians have to U-Hauls.
2. You have been stranded on a deserted island for the past 25 years with no other companion besides a twig doll you named Woody
3. You have just recently discovered your sexuality and now are a self proclaimed lesbian but haven't truly managed to be in your first real relationship yet.
4. You are bisexual meaning that it's just about the sex for you.

*PLEASE NOTE* Heterosexuals beware! I'm a recruiter and I'm all about getting my toasteroven! (Maybe that's the next joke I'll take on!)

So for those who don't know the joke it goes like this...

Q: What does a lesbian take on the second date?

A: A U-Haul

Now to most lesbians out there, we find this both funny and true in alot of situations. If you don't get the joke sweet jesus I guess I'll have to explain! Basically sayin that lesbians say to hell with takin time for courtship....lets just move in together.

Lesbians look inside yourselves! We all know someone who's done it! Or we're guilty of doin it ourselves! Which is exactly why the joke is so damn funny! But really....is there any wonder? Women are full of emotions. We find someone new, get caught up in the moment, then BAM the emotional euphoria takes control of all brain functions and before you know it (as Carrin put it) "You're callin up your girl sayin 'By the way, what's your last name? OK...I'll be there in a minute'."

Next thing you know, these girls are throwin everything they own into a pick-up truck, SUV, Jeep (Cause that's what real lesbians drive!) or Uhaul, grab the kids (cats, dogs,......turtles?) and they are on their way! It's really kinda funny how I sit here and say "they" like it's never happened to me before, but of course it has. But I only want to count one time when I guess in actuality it was two. Then again, I could write a book on my past relationships PERIOD. I could title it "The Don'ts of Dating" Because lets be honest, if I knew the "Do's" I wouldn't have such a hard time! :)

If you are in fact a lesbian and you are sitting at your computer feeling all high and mighty like it's never happened to you and never will! Then you are either you are not being honest with yourself or refer back to numero 3 above!

I have to say though...the best part about Uhaul relationships is when the honeymoon wears off, the emotional euphoria takes a huge dive and the brain re-gains control. This is the point when hindsight slaps you right in the face. Then you realize "Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffin glue"

Soon you find yourself either back in the Uhaul or helpin the other person pack it up. AND there you have it....you've lost some more time....and USUALLY some more clothing! Damn it! That's the part that pisses me off! I mean why you gotta take my clothes? WHY? Mostly it's my shirts....I mean hell I got t-shirts floating around AT LEAST 4 of the 50 States! And this last time?!!??! I took 80 percent of my clothes with me out of town before the ex left and hot damn she still managed to walk away with 2 t-shirts and a pair of board shorts. WHAT THE...????

Oh god, I've strayed from point again. Adult ADD rears its ugly face once again.

Anyway yeah lesbians are guilty but you know what? STRAIGHT PEOPLE ARE TOO! And this is what I truly want to investigate. Sure Sure, I know its a little more obvious when we do it because everyone is always watchin us, waitin on us to mess up so they can blame it on the dykes and fags. (Special shout out for my dawg Billy Graham!) And it's true, we do it, alot. Hell I know some people that should own stock in the company, got damn I said GOT DAMN! But believe me when I say we are not the only ones! Below I'll give you some examples with names changed to protect the identity of those discussed.

Case number 1: A heterosexual girl by the name of Lilly B has been engaged approximately 3 times. But she's been married 0 times. Means she's goin out there just acceptin proposals then realizin, "oh shit, I don't like this person at all."

Case number 2: (boys are guilty too) A VERY HETEROSEXUAL YOUNG MAN by the name of Craveheart (alter ego to Braveheart) tells me today that he may not be able to date this girl that he really likes and who is very attractive because he's a christian and she doesn't believe in God. To which I reminded him that he wanted to DATE her not MARRY her. And he responds like so, "I will not date a girl without the intent to marry her"

OH WOW....moving on

Case number 3: Mrs. LaDoes Dallas has been married twice or 3 three times who knows, but she's workin on another divorce and got 2 or 3 flings swingin on the side.

Case number 4: Ms. RayofSunshine has been married, annulled, engaged, engaged, engaged again.

Why is it again that we have take all the blame? Straight people are just as crazy as we are! Just as all those politicians out there say how "we as a nation cannot allow Gay marriages because it will destroy the traditional family image"

Umm sorry Uncle Sam, heterosexuals did that a LONG time before we became an issue. Checked the divorce rate lately Uncle Sam? Maybe you should...