Indecision at its best...

Hot toast - or buttered buns?

Tan lines suck!


The high today here in beautiful North Carolina - cause we like to be on top, is supposed to reach 102 degrees! Of course with the humidity it will feel like the blazes of hell. THIS makes me miss Hawaii. Hot year round but no humidity.

There are certain things about Hawaii though that I could never get used to.

There are 3 major highways on the island of Oahu. Conveniently named H-1, H-2, H-3. Now, Hawaii has deemed these INTERSTATES. Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't interstate mean that it travels through different states? And intrastate means it is only within the state? Hmmm remind me again what state Hawaii connects to?

A/C is not a standard feature in Hawaiian homes or businesses. Most places, like my old apartment, are instead equipped with "jealousy" windows. If you aren't sure what those are, well they are the windows that really resemble glass blinds. You crank the little cranker and they open up like blinds. I'm almost certain that the reason they are called jealousy windows is because if you have these windows you are jealous of the people who don't.

The price of a McDonalds value meal in Waikiki Beach is 7 bucks plus tax. But you do get a fresh side of pineapple.

At every McDonalds island wide you may purchase SPAM, eggs and rice off of the breakfast menu.

Aloha = Hello, Goodbye, Love
Mahalo = Thank you

That junk is for the tourists man, nobody walks around saying that crap outside the tourism industry. Locals speak pidgin (hawaiian slang similar to ebonics)

Hey Brah, dey was choke honey girls out at the club last night, but could no buy dem dakine cuz I one broke ass.

It is OK to cut someone off on the highway as long as you give them a shaka sign (hangloose) White people use at your own risk!

There are no polack jokes in Hawaii, they use the same jokes but reference Portuguese instead.

Flip Flops, Sandals = Slippas in Hawaii...NO EXCEPTIONS

Likelike highway is not pronounced like like. Instead it's leekay leekay

Calling to place an order for Papa Johns once I was offered a free bag of rice with my purchase.


....just to name a few

"on the island...we do it island style...from the mountain to the ocean, from the windward to the leeward side"

GOD Save me from the B.A.N.A.N.A.S. !

While riding in my truck today, I switched on the radio because the only way I drive is with the windows down and the music up, what to my awaiting ears did play? THAT STUPID BANANAS SONG THAT'S SO GAY! You know, I'm really mad at ole Gwen for that one, she sold out worse than Michael Jordan in Space Jam with that stupid song!

I must admit though, this prompted a poll, both within myself and with my esteemed colleagues. Together we have formed a list of the most annoying songs known to mankind.

Most Annoying Songs Ever!

1. Holla Back Girl (Bananas) - Gwen Stefani
2. Umm Bop - Hanson (respectfully submitted by Deanna)
3. The Macarena - Los Del Rio (respectfully submitted by Mr. Rob)
4. La Vida Loca- Ricky Martin (again, Mr. Rob, he couldn't make up his mind)
5. Barbie Girl- Aqua (added to the list by S to the B...lack)
6. All That She Wants (is another Baby) - Ace of Base
7. Who Let the Dogs Out - Baha Men
8. Don't Worry Be Happy - Bobby McFerrin
9. I Kissed A Girl - Jill Sobule
10. My Baby Daddy - B Rock and the Bizz

Add to the list if you dare....

***warning***songs will get stuck in head no matter how stupid they might be!

Reality TV

It's no secret, we live in a different world than our parents. Mama's family alone seems to be from another planet, but it's hard to break those family ties and besides that, family matters! Maybe I'm just being silly, but just let me vent my growing pains OK?

I stumbled out of bed this morning with a grimace on my face. It was a cold day in hell so I threw on a cosby sweater and headed to work. My coworkers and I had been working on a project and were split into teams. The A Team and the B team. Our group had left Charles in charge of most of the work. Is it any wonder there were 227 mistakes? Roseanne, our superior, was furious! She reminded us all who's the boss! Luckily I showed a little grace under fire, then she went back to her office. Just the 10 of us left standing there when Charles started spouting off excuses. I interrupted him with, "Gimme a break, we're all mad about you being an idiot!" He looked confused so I told him if he didn't understand he could look it up in Webster.

Finally, the work day was complete. I tuned the radio to WKRP as I drove home to my empty nest located at 21 Jump St. The moment I walked in the door, the phone rang. It was the Jeffersons. They invited me to dinner but I declined because the always have a full house. Instead I fixed a drink and tried to escape into my art. But as I was painting the diff'rent strokes seemed to run together. I put the paintbrush down and grabbed 2 silver spoons and tried to remember how to play Dixie on my knee. When that got boring I began to work on plans for my lie detector/shocker. As I was designing, women from my circle of friends called and invited me to enjoy a night out on the town. I said, "What the hell, I'm not married with children. I'm in!"

I took a quantum leap into life as I strolled out to the club in my snazzy new attire. Dressed kinda punky, Brewster met me at the entrance. We headed straight for the bar where the rest of the group was waiting for us. As I sipped on my drink I glanced out on the dance floor where the golden girls seem to sparkle under the strobes. That's when I saw her...she was like an angel, complete with wings! True, we were perfect strangers but I knew I'd spend the whole night courting her if I had to.

The dream was ruined when her big brawny boyfriend showed up. We all know three's company, that's just the facts of life, so I let the fantasy die. I ordered up another round and decided that any piece was better than none, so I let the unattractive girl beside me get a little too close for comfort.

I raised my glass and announced, "These are our wonder years...let's take them one day at a time.....CHEERS!

Guilty Feet (Remix)

What do you do when then song has lost it's sparkle? REMIX!

Welcome to Damn Those Guilty Feet Vol. 2!

UPDATE: We (Berthrong and Black) founders of B.S. Busters, are currently designing a device which will deliver electric shocks to the dishonest party. It will be permanently attached to the liar liar pants on fire, and will emit one electric shock to said individual each time that person chooses to tell a lie. (2 electric shocks will be emitted if the attempted lie was really bad, just for being stupid) Below is a rough draft of plans for production:




Is all this really necessary you ask? We'll let you decide.

Case 7: A young man by the name of Needsashock, has desperately tried to prove his love to his girl by playing hide-and-go-seek the phone. He proclaims that he is totally faithful and there is nothing to hide....Except his phone of course! If it's out of sight, then the calls/text messages aren't really transmitting. I guess it's kinda like that whole, if a tree falls in the forest type thing.

Case 8: Mea Culpa, has tried time and time again to tell her fiance that she wants NOTHING to do with her ex. Though apparently she HAD to call said ex the other day to get a phone number for a local tattoo parlor in Bumfuck, NY. I suppose this may be believable if Bumfuck, NY did not have the 411 Service like the rest of the US. I know good ole TMobile offers "411 & More". Sure, it costs like $1.99 each time you use it, but really should you put such a monetary restriction on love? Isn't your fiance worth 2 lousy bucks? Not to mention we have this wonderful thing called INTERNET which we know GOOGLE can find anything!

Case 9: Mr. Schuldig demands that his ever growing collection of admirers are really nothing more than old friends, cousins, grandparents, or whatever he believes will distract his girlfriend. Nothing is going on and he's being totally honest! It's not him, it's these girls, could possibly be true, I mean after all, we can't help who falls for us, but why are you constantly deleting your SENT mail Mr. Schuldig?

Case 10: I'm gonna sum this one up really short and sweet and let each of you derive from it what you will. You do not FORGET 13+ PEOPLE!


OH NO! Someone beat me to it!

"O fie miss, you must not kiss and tell."

i heart dedicated bloggers!

Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue.

this is starting to frustrate me...

I KEEP DREAMING ABOUT SNAKES! This time, the bastard was already dead, or so I thought! Tried to hack him up with an axe, much like I tried to kill that centipede that was lurking (word of the week) around the 2604. Only I didn't use an axe for that one, just my shoe a bbqing fork and a knife. But I digress, back to the snakes...

So I'm hackin away at this thing, it's even in pieces but that son of a bitch tried to attack! As I was fighting it off, I spilled gasoline and the next thing I knew....everything was a blaze. Thankfully I woke up right after that. What does it all mean?! Someone, please give me insight on this stupid, horrible, no good, very bad dream!

The only thing I could find myself was this:

Dream symbol: firefire, fires, firing, fired

Interpretation:
A dream about fire could denote 1st and/or 2nd chakra issues
Intense passion
A burning desire
Kundalini energy; sexual, creative, potent energy
Purifying or cleansing something, ridding yourself of unwanted things
Something that has a life of its own, is difficult to control
A symbol of death and rebirth
Somebody on fire may symbolize a need to purge your life of them
Psychic energy
Uncontrolled negative emotion
Withholding information, argument or emotions, holding back, holding your fire
Torment or an intense trial, going through fire and water
Rearing to go on something, being all fired up
Displaying anger or having a fiery temperament
A need to delay something or be patient, hang fire
A spiritual ritual or initiation
Being unable to find a point of clarity and truth, confusion, being too close to the fire
Being fired may suggest fear of dismissed or disregarded, not necessarily within a work environment
An energetic person, a fireball
Feeling attacked from all sides, between two fires
The zodiac signs of Aries, Leo or Sagittarius are all fire signs



Dream symbol: snakesnake, snakes, snaking, snaked

Interpretation:
A snake within a dream often symbolizes transformation, resurrection or rebirthing
A snake bite may suggest self-sabotage
Mysticism, healing, enlightenment
Being highly sensitive to the vibrations of others
A sleeping or coiled snake may represent Kundalini energy or life force
The penis
Sexuality or sexual energy
Temptation
A negative association with a snake may denote being afraid of your own power
Choosing an indirect route or being unfocused
For many westerners, snakes represent fear or death
Something that is snaky may represent betrayal or insidiousness
A devious, sneaky or dangerous person, a snake in the grass

...hmm after reading that, maybe I do have an idea, but tell me yours!

Who is better? UPS or FedEx?

We win again!

I'm heading off to work, but not before I stop and get hot, FRESH Krispy Kreme donuts and coffee! I wish you didn't hate me for it.

batteries not included

use for Duct Tape #981....cocoon

I was born to be a teacher....tonight I got to teach my supervisor math. "Work Thought of the Day": 50% + 80% = more than 100%, IMAGINE THAT!

So not to long ago I stumbled upon PostSecrets.com. It all started when this guy started asking people to send them their secrets, the best part, anonymously. Well anyway, some of the post cards are awesome, but some of them are really sad and morbid. Despite that though, check it out, it's worth it. (I'm a big fan of the one that says, "I used to think the rhythm was gonna get me")

That left me with the question of what are my secrets? What would I submit if I wanted to actually take the time to do it? What do I hide from the world? A deep look inside myself brought about the following five secrets....

These Are My Confessions

1. I still listen to New Kids on the Block every once in a while and even sing along and on occasion choreograph dances to them.
2. Sometimes I play "air" bongos when no one is watching.
3. I have an unusual attraction to Jessica Rabbit.
4. I have actually watched 15 mins of Tony Danza's talk show.
5. I once cried because the other reindeers wouldn't let Rudolph join in any reindeer games.

What do you have to hide?

...especially those of you "lurking" about?

Same ole Boxes, Different Day

If the drivers looked like this my job would be perfect!

So I love working for the mighty big brown and all, but I hate idiots! Strike that, reverse it, I hate WORKING for idiots. Which you might already know if you stumbled across it in my earlier blogs. Idiots themselves however happen to be what brings humor into my life. I'll spare you the details of my rants I'll just say this is my "Work Thought of the Day": You can't cram an elephant down someone's throat no matter how hard you push, I mean I do believe this would be an impossible task even for a $2 hooker.

However, the one good thing about the current job I'm doing is that it's pretty much brainless. It takes my brain all of .0000354 seconds to read a zipcode and process the information. Therefore, I'm left with alot of other seconds that my mind is idle. It is these very times which the good ole melon starts to kick random thoughts into over drive. Think, thank, thunk.

Here's what I came up with this evening. For those of us who have ever taken a religion class and/or got friends and/or are a Buddhist, you are aware that Buddha had 4 Noble Truths and the Eight Fold Path.

The Four Noble Truths
1. Life means suffering.
2. The origin of suffering is attachment.
3. The cessation of suffering is attainable.
4. The path to the cessation of suffering.

The Eightfold Path

1. Right Understanding,
5. Right Living,
2. Right Mindedness,
6. Right Effort,
3. Right Speech,
7. Right Attentiveness
4. Right Action,
8. Right Concentration,

Ah HA! Tonight, the Killah B created her own version of both of these. (However COMMA mine have nothing to do with religion or Buddha as you will see.)

Killah B's 4 Basic Truths to RELATIONSHIPS!

1. Bipolar is not a form of climate, or someone who is partial to cold weather or polar bears. It is a cute little word that actually translates to: the EPITOME of EVIL
2. READ THE SIGNS! For Christ's sake, don't ignore it like a ped xing sign! If you don't pay attention to these signs flashing "he/she is CRAZY" someone could get killed!
3. If you think they are lying odds are.....they aren't doing a good job!
4. I know that little saying goes, "if at first you don't succeed try and try again" BUT if you beat a dead dog all he's gonna do is continue to lay there, bloody, with all sorts of fluid leaking out of every orifice, and letting off a stench that would make the Pepe Le Pew cringe.

Lastly...

Killah B's 8 Step Path to Walk When You Don't Have a Yellow Brick Road To Follow!

1. Right Foot first, gets you off step, it's always the LEFT you idiot! ARGH! Your OTHER LEFT, your MILITARY LEFT....JESUS! Hold up your hands and find the L if you gotta
2. Right Handed people are sexy
3. Right to Know that stepping on cracks doesn't actually break ANYONE's back, no matter how many times you try.
4. RIGHT of WAY is a legal term meaning priority at a crossing, or in traffic. A vehicle must yield either to pedestrians or to other vehicles that have priority. It is not an absolute right as it must be exercised in a reasonable manner with respect for the due care for one's self and for the care of others involved. See also priority signs, yield sign, stop sign. Furthermore it is something a few more of you idiot drivers out there need to study up on.
5. Right Job, Right House, Right Family, Right Life only happens in story books.
6. Right and Wrong. We know the right thing to do but it's so much more fun to do the wrong.
7. Right Reason is the reason we claim we are doing things but refer back to #6
8. Right Spelling helps out your friends pals and buddies as they try to understand your text messages! "tgd roseyes wmt"
9. Right Stuff...baby....love the way you turn me on, you got the right stuff, baby You're the reason why I sing this song...(NKOTB fo LIFE!)
10. Right NOW...I'm currently wearing a purple tutu, a denim turbine, and a bowtie...oh and I've got that stupid New Kids on the Block song stuck in my head!

Review the afore mentioned things, then apply them to your own life and I guarantee.....

absolutely nothing!

ps. to those of you who constantly read the blog but never comment...we'll call you floaters....do me a favor...leave a piece of you with me so that i may cherish it forever and ever.

ignorance killed the cat. curiosity was framed.

It's no secret that I have a love for witty humor. In fact all of my friends share this same respect for wit, no matter how dry. Perhaps this is why we each have an extensive love for the trendy t-shirt collections of stores like, American Eagle, Urban Outfitters, and Holister. These places carry a magnificent selection of hysterical t-shirts, a vast array of humor "to go". However, there are a few t's me and the swarm would like to see:

Top 10 T-shirts that should exist:

1. I could look that cute if I tried.
2. I probably did...sleep with your girlfriend
3. Slow but SMOOTH
4. I'm just "Big Boned"
5. Let's get married in VEGAS!
6. I'm not now...but give me a few drinks!
7. Don't hate me because I have unlimited text
8. I heart Japanese Women
9. Got Death Wobble? Jeeps ROCK!
10. I'm "friendly" when I drink

Wanna add to the collection? Leave you submissions!

I'm just two people short of a threesome!

Where has the laughter gone?

Today/tonight I have managed to run the battery down on my cell phone at least twice. Talkin to all those crazy cats back in the 808 state! One thing alot of us agreed on, we haven't laughed as hard as we used to when the full gang was together. Some of us have already traveled to separate corners of the world and some of us will be on our way soon. I miss the laughter, I miss the FUN. I miss $3.50 super huge mugs at Dixie Grill during happy hour. I miss the guy in the girls bathroom at Dixie Grill. I miss it all. So this is for my friends, pals and buddies for life, let us remember and laugh.

• Jack Johnson Kokua Festival 2004 and 2005
• Guitar Cups, good for drinking chocolate milk out of!
• Hiking up Ward Ave stone cold drunk eating egg rolls and stopping every two feet to apply soy sauce.
• Ward Ave.
• gnocchi!!!!!!!
• mmm Jack in the Box
• Coldstone
• Late nights at Sandy's with beer and stolen chips!
• Trash Can Confessionals
• TOO MANY heinekens!
• Derussy Parking Lot
• Dollah Ballah at RED LION!
• Graffiti in the bathroom at the Red Lion
• Getting thrown out of the Red Lion
• Bribing the bouncer 3 months later to get back in to the Red Lion
• 507 WHAT?
• D who is that guy in the gold chain?
• "Showin you my crotch"
• Rob and Benny up in the Black Garter "Do they know?"
• I can make you a Celebrity over night!
• 2 six Zero fizzie
• La who? La WHAT? LaDONT!
• Lonewolf "the old adamenko is dead"
• Pop the popcorn, apply the buttery seasoning, grab the remote, tune tv to ch. 5 the home team at 11pm, press record on the vcr, and walllllah! Monday Night SPECTACULAR!
• Pajamma Jammie Jams
• Welcome to our paper christmas!
• Smores anyone?
• "We gotta work the twizzle"
• What's your type? 1,2, c? D?
• JAGER!!!!!
• "I'll take that!" (shoves b's cell phone in pants)
• It's 6am D...let's drink cider!
• We cheat at pictionary
• "Dear God, thank you for these sandwiches.....and new friendships"
• Let's go to goodwill!
• I want a shirt that says Kalihi ALLSTAR
• Hear that gagging sound? Those girls in 2604 must be doing their dishes again
• Lets do a shot!
• What do their shirts say?
• Magooooooooos!
• Broke Dick Monday's
• Don't let B take anyone to the beach!
• I think they call it jizz
• Titties McGee
• last goonies weekend!
• damn that predictive text!
• invasion of the back fat rolls
• Drivin home dawg? PAPER, ROCK, SCISSORS
• Jug of Carlo + D = Gum + Hair
• Jug of Carlo + LaDONT = T.R.O.U.B.L.E.
• Chinatown Chinese New Year
• Nun's Having Fun
• CHEESE DOGS
• Pet Geckos on the Lanai
• LaQuita goes to college
• B.E.D.
• Loud noise complaints
• ice ice baby....
• Nap D fo LIFE!
• I am the thumbmaster
• I wonder when Deanna's Birthday is?
• "why don't you drink til my thumb goes down"
• D: "That couple at the end of the bar is either saying, those girls are lesbians OR those girls have really good posture!"
• Sarah: "...that's probably why they shot you in the eye" (to Ruben in ref. to his dislike of Tupac)
• Rob: "I'll sleep with a man to prove I'm straight!" (defending his heterosexuality)
• B: "So I gave him a hand job, so!" (details kept confidential)

Oh wow, this doesn't even scratch the surface. But I hope it's enough to bring back the laughter for a minute!

I'll close on this, Sarah and B, great philosophers are we.

B: "Love is a four letter word dawg..."

S: "Yeah man, I know.....think I'm gonna stop cursing."

Lovin it at LuLu's! 

Fo sheazin we cheesin! 

I've known some Simpson's fans before but GOSH!

slightly obsessive

For you Mr. Rob...better enjoy your last 136 days of that Hawaii weather... 

House Arrest

So I was going to call into work today, but I figured I wouldn't because it's already ferris bueller's day off, so instead i drank a glass of beetlejuice and ate some mystic pizza, got in my truck and headed for the freeway, my vision blurred and everything appeared to be in the color purple, as i approached a men at work zone i swerved around the contruction and just as i got past the cone,heads turned because i looked like a jerk. I figured I shouldn't say anything and realized this was going to be one crazy summer and i'd be better off dead than to star a fight caused by road rage, just remember i know karate, kid! Not to mention I'm armed and dangerous! Good thing I got back up if I need it! Big T, Sarah Black and D..now there's three amigos that will always stand by me. They really are in a league of their own. Think I'll call him if i head to washington, but i'm not sure if i'll go cause i'm always sleepless in seattle I mean, it's no city of angels. I looked down at my seat and wondered who's harry crumb is this anyway? i tossed it in the trash and called roxanne to meet me for breakfast at tiffany's. she declined because she's one of those mean girls but i was saved by finding my little innerspace a happy place I go when I'm having a bad day. Maybe one day i'll be one of those ladykillers that finds a pretty woman who wants to live with me in the burbs. Until then, I think i'll just steel magnolias for the secretary, and maybe she'll let me kiss the girls. There you have it, my life, just like a book of shadows, doesn't it remind you of a scary movie?


if you need me...i'll be out killing gnomes with sporks!

And the stars say....

• Now that it's all out in the open, don't you feel better? Maybe
  even physically lighter? Good. Don't let anything ruin it -- especially not the
  private agenda of someone who thinks they know more than they really do.

• Hahahah the stars are funny!
• So I talked to Rob yesterday, he was actually the one who informed me how someone ever so cleverly posted a certain someone's name on the inside wall of a porta potty as someone that you should do the horizontal dance with. Go figure right?
• After finding out just how people detail jeeps at the local detailing shop off Kam Hwy where their method is to "rock it to the wheels fall off like snoop said" according to Rob, we talked about our blogging, and other note worthy blogs we've stumbled on to. He of course secretly reads Crazy is as Crazy DOES! And he's aware that he is probably the only male type that reads it! Who knows tho, maybe dug E fresh stumbles on to it from time to time. :)
• But I noted a few other blogs that I had been reading lately and their content when Rob stated, "people just be pouring their hearts out on their blogs...saying 'he did me so wrong!'...it's just crazy!"
• I mentioned I should start a blog soley dedicated to my experience in the 4 letter word that is L O V E! He assured me that if I did NBC and Comedy Central would be calling soon! Thanks for the support buddy!
• Anyway, I thought it was funny that my daily horoscope said what it did. How more accurate could it be? For those who know I'm sure you agree.

The writing on the wall...

...to be exact, the writing on the porta potty out at the small arms range of AREA-X, Schofield Barracks! It informs the user of a list of "Girls 2 Fuck". Did you make the list? Bet I know who did!

I heart TOYS R US!

That store renders me hours of entertainment. side note: i want...no....i NEED a pogo stick!

Don't you just love it when people can't follow your instuctions so you have to draw them a picture?!!?!


I bought a movie today....one of my favorites, 10 bonus points to anyone who can name it based on the following quote: "Hey, Hoops, you ever notice how people die in alphabetical order? "

Be sure to stay updated on the sitcom!



.....how much are you worth?

ODE TO MY MOM!

I finally decided to share my mama stories with the world! Check it out...

Southern Dys.func.tion

I found my way into tha bid-ness! 

my nizzle! 

Doctor's orders... 

The eagle has landed!

Ok, so maybe not the eagle...but my truck finally arrived at the Charleston, SC VPC!! A few days early even, if you can believe that! Therefore, I shall pick up my Night Rider first thing Monday morning! SWEET! This means I'm no longer a prisoner here at the lovely Triple Deuce. Thank god! Can't wait to get my own little space in the twenty-seven 101. I mean, not that I don't find it a bit comical here with Squirelly Shirley and the squirellettes...but umm..I need my own address now please and thanks! For the moment tho, I'm off to work at big Brown.

and many other "holes" too..

There is hope for us all...

Yesterday it was brought to my attention that Rachel Wiggins...is mawwied. (That's married for those of you who can't speak wiggabonics) I'm excited for her. I even asked Wob (Rob) to buy her a Gatowade (Gatorade) and give it to her with my bwessings. :)

This should give us all a shimmer of hope that we too will find our soul mate one day. Wiggins, who brings new meaning to the phrase...anger management, and who never should have been trusted with a weapon larger than a super soaker 250, has found love! Isn't that amazing, this burping, farting, disgusting pig of a girl managed to find someone that would marry her! I mean, after the failed romance with Wussel the love Muscle...who would have ever imagined?

So Wiggins I say, CONGWATS! From your ole pal Butwong!

The Reflex Tester. One Powerful Drug! TEST yourself!
. . .its like crack

"The Suck Zone" images of yesterday's tornado that hit the triad!

It's a twister! It's a twister!

Toto, I have a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore. 

Goff Rd. In beautiful King, NC being over taken by red clay soup. 

3 Police Cars + hearse + people saluting = ?

I don't get it! What could it possibly mean?

We've all heard my mama stories...whether it be the steering wheel, the icy hot, the salsa, the cat in heat, etc etc. Well I just figured I'd throw in this one for your enjoyment.

My mother was caught in the storm yesterday. Lightning striking near the car she was driving and of course scaring her so badly that she was just in a panic to get home! Worried that she wouldn't make it home fast enough she was angry that traffic was traveling so slow. She looks ahead and notices 3 police cars, behind it a hearse, "Well I wonder what's going on?" she says to herself.

Did that stop my mother? Nope! She continued to follow behind them. Well what about when she notices people on the side of the street saluting her along with the other cars before her? Did that raise an eyebrow for good ole mom? hmmm Nope, she kept right on driving. Then finally she noticed that other vehicles were pulling off the road to let the cars pass.

A light bulb forms over Shirley's head. ::BLINK::

"Oh my word! I'm in a funeral line!"

So upon her discovery, did she stop get out of the funeral traffic? hmmm the answer would be no once again. She just continued on her merry way hoping that no one would notice she is an idiot.

Gotta love that mother of mine.

Stocking cap?!?!!!?

Is there any wonder why I love him?

Let's blame it on the Mint Mocha Frappuccino!

...my latest addiction! (oh GEEZ! The damn dots have invaded again!)

As I was, it's 1:59 am and I know this because of my other latest addiction: humanclock.com. Every time I take a peak at it, I imagine submissions I'd like to make. I also want to encourage Rob to go ahead with the idea of shaving a time into his chest hair for a submission. Yessssssssssssss!

While I'm wide awake thanks to starbucks and their legal addictive substances I wanted to share with you just a few little things that tend to, um, how you say? Annoy me. :) I'll just briefly note things I recognized today, that annoyed me. Certainly on a grander scale there would be many more. But lets just review the day, shall we?

1. Being treated like I'm 10 instead of my actual age of 25, we can thank mom and pops for this one! So thank you Mrs. B and "Deddy" Why do parents do that? Why? Why do they refuse to realize that their children are no longer in actuality, CHILDREN?
2. When I put something somewhere, I do so with the intention that the next time I go to get it, I will know where it is. Today, this is directed at car keys.
3. Land-line phones. I have not had anything other than a cell phone for 4 years now and I'm beginning to understand why that is a beautiful thing. Being in a house that seems to have a phone in almost every room means that when someone calls, the tintinnabulation that occurs could wake the dead! SO LOUD! And when people seem to call every 5 minutes!!?!? This can get pretty obnoxious.
4. As if the ringing wasn't bad enough, when people call 3 times in less than 30 minutes with little or no point to the phone call.
5. Tornados
6. People who don't believe you when you tell them a tornado has touched down and you have to call them back. AHEM...Erin, Aunt Doris.
7. Bipolar tendancies. Nothing is more frustrating than when you are having a conversation with someone, it's cordial, then all of a sudden they spark major attitude for no apparent reason. The winds changed direction maybe?
8. Smashing a finger!
9. Samshing the same finger twice!
10. When the cell phone dies in mid text message.
11. Idiots
12. Ridiculously deep southern accents
13. North Carolina Humidity
14. People who sing songs and totally screw up the lyrics. (with one exception to this rule, Sarah Black, "ridn in my car, racin to her house.....these are my confessions")
15. Poopy Diapers (Ground Hog Day-Bill Murray "Does he have to use the word poopy?")

After all this excitement today, tornados and all, "Julia I gotta let you go...we got cows!"



PS I was aimlessly wandering in random blogs tonight, read this, and I don't know, for some reason it hit a nerve. 2004, what a year. :(

"It's hard when you care for someone, will always care for someone, and you have to move on. Our relationship was not good, but I can still remember exactly what his eyes look like with tears in them. It hurts." - Contagious

dot dot dot

Today, I took a deep look into the dots. If you don't know what I'm referring to then it is clear you've never been much of a text message/IM/email (to friends that is, not business or professional email) type of person. I've noticed that all my friends use the dots. In fact, I'm sure that any of my friends who stumble upon this would instictively know that of course I mean trailing a sentence, word, or phrase like so . . .
I remember clearly when I started using the dots. It was when I first discovered AIM. Yes that's right, AIM. Never been one for ICQ, Yahoo or MSN messenger. It has always and shall forever be AOL instant messenger! Woooohooooo! Anyway, I started using the dots when I first started communicating using instant messages. Well, to be honest, not at first. At first I used to type novels before ever clicking the send button. Not long after I realized that for it to feel like a true conversation it was better to send bits and pieces at a time, as to not bore the individual who you are talking to. I suppose this shows that I myself am an impatient person. :) The dots, then took on the meaning that something was to follow. Understandable isn't it? Dots also seem to take the place of commas for some reason as well as one single period. I'm not sure why that is. But it's pure habit now. I've noticed that the dots followed me into emails. Almost to the point that my emails seem to be more like a conversation now, other than a letter like it's first real intention. It goes without saying that since I send/receive 4000-6000 text messages a month (THANK YOU TMOBILE FOR THE ORIGINAL UNLIMITED TEXTING OPTION!) the button that is used for a period, is slightly bruised and beaten! hehehe
Dots also started rearing their ugly little heads at the beginning for sentences, words, and phrases. This of course used to reference a sigh or hesitation before relaying the thought. I've also taken note that when I truly want to emphasize something I'll space the dots out. . .
That alone seems to make a bolder statement than...
Don't you agree? I must say, another reason I use the dots is this, a period, as defined by mister Webster, means conclusion. So, as I stated before I use the dots to let someone know there is more to follow. If it is at the end of a conversation, it is sort of like saying, tune in for the next episode. A cliff hanger if you will. Most importantly, that things ARE NOT final, complete, or concluded.

. . . .why do you use your dots?

Happy 4th!

The 4th of July is the day we celebrate our independence. I can't help but think about how we got that independence, and about those who fight for that independence each day! Knowing how little some people respect those who serve our country, I wanna take a minute to say thanks to those I left behind, the members of the "Dirty 9th" Military Police Detachment, Fort Shafter HI!

Just because I'm thinking of you guys...and cause I not only miss you all but I also miss being a Military Police Soldier (shhhh don't tell anyone) I stumbled across what I have written below and thought I'd share it. P.S. I stole this so to read these and other great Murphy's Laws please visit: www.murphys-laws.com

Had to post these tho! Some of them are SOOOOO TRUE!

Murphy's military police laws

• 
  Your brassard and your badge won't stop bullets. (um second chance vests don't really work either)
• 
  If it's stupid but works, it isn't stupid.
• 
  Don't look conspicuous - it antagonizes officers.
• 
  When in doubt, empty your shotgun. (or your pepper spray)
• 
  Never share a patrol car with anyone braver than you. (or anyone who smells worse than you....stanley)
• 
  Not wearing body armor attracts bullets and knives.
• 
  If your response goes well, you're at the wrong barracks. (or you're a patrol sup that stumbled into Deal's room)
• 
  Your Patrol Supervisor will show up when you're doing something really stupid. (or sometimes they are doing something really stupid right along with you! 39th!)
• 
  The time it takes to respond to an emergency is inversely proportional to the importance of the call. (hmmm sorry, I can't find the loose dog)
  
• The warrant you don't read is the one you'll serve at the wrong quarters.
• 
  No matter how you write it, the Desk Sergeant will want it changed. (of course they blame it on Mr. Morris!)
• 
  If you charge in all alone, you'll be shot by your own officers. (SRT)
• 
  The diversion you're ignoring is the actual crime.
• 
  The important things are always simple.
• 
  The simple things are always hard.
• 
  The easy ways are always blocked.
• 
  The short cuts are always under construction by the post engineers.
• 
  Anything you do can get you in trouble - including doing nothing. (AMEN!)
• 
  When you've secured a crime scene, don't forget to tell the brass.
• 
  Using the siren and light to clear traffic - attracts traffic. (Shafter...2-4...request code 3 for the small child who fell off the play ground and is bleeding to death? 2-4...Shafter, you are not authorized code and be advised you may not travel any faster than 25 mph!)
• 
  It only becomes a riot right after you show up. (hahahaha if you don't believe that one, you can see for yourself by watching this video clip!
• 
  If you take out the newest patrol car, you'll have an accident. (just ask me about the traffic truck and a $750 bumper!)
• 
  No street-wise unit ever passed inspection.
• 
  No inspection-ready unit ever makes it on the streets. (So what about a unit that isn't street wise or inspection ready?? what's the excuse then? 39th!)
• 
  The thing you really need, will be left back at the MP Station. (dog cage anyone? paperwork? anything that was supposed to be in the patrol kit?)
• 
  Radios will fail as soon as you need back-up desperately. (or if you don't turn them on at all...wiggins)
• 
  Flashlight batteries always die out, just when you really need light. (flashlight? we carried those?)
• 
  Military working dogs attack anything that moves - including you. (wanna catch the dog? russell did!)
• 
  The helicopter will always be low on fuel, as soon as you need it.
• 
  You'll find the suspect you want, when you're off-duty and unarmed.
• 
  If you respond to more than your fair share of calls, you'll have more than your fair share of calls to respond to.
• 
  The suspect will escape, just before you set up a good perimeter. (or because you were doing a distro run to the shoppette)
• 
  The dependent who screams loudly when you don't show up quickly, also screams loudly when you do. (refer back that that video clip)
• 
  The weight of the dead body you'll have to carry is proportional to the amount of stairs you'll have to climb. (not many dead bodies at good ole fort shafter...but what about dead cats in trash cans?)
• 
  Fatalities always occur at the end of shift - or when it rains and snows. (always at ETD!)
• 
  Your weapon was made by the lowest bidder. (not to mention we never seem to fire our own weapons at the range..god only knows if it works!)
• 
  Contrary to popular belief - general officers don't get tickets. (unless healy's working)
• 
  You won't get called to a court martial - unless it's your day off. (you get called for everything on your day off)
• 
  Take off your hat and the MP Duty Officer shows up. (take a nap and it's more than likely the big WEAVE that's DO that day!)
• 
  Empty guns - aren't.
• 
  Your two minute "back-up" is always actually ten minutes away. (only because he's chillin at the cops office with his pistol belt, top, and vest sitting in another chair as he plays on the computer!)
• 
  The alley you sprint down, is the wrong alley. (whoa....who's sprinting?)
• 
  Tasting suspected drugs works - but only on TV or in the movies. (controlled burn?)
• 
  Suspects always hide in the last place you look.
• 
  Better to be judged by twelve, than carried by six.
• 
  Professional criminals are predictable, but the world is full of amateurs.
• 
  Admit nothing, deny everything, demand proof - then blame a Private. (WIGGINS!)
• 
  Don't stand, if you can sit - don't sit, if you can lay down - if you can lay down, you might as well take a nap. (Rim Access :) )