Reasons you should NOT, I REPEAT SHOULD NOT DRINK!

1. You may wake up the next morning and realize you've had a 10 minute confession to a trash can......"Fresh cut broccoli"
2. You repeatedly fall down and continue to blame it on your wooden leg despite the fact that the same leg doesn't cause you to fall down on a daily basis.
3. You might make out with a complete stranger and the whole time think it's someone else.
4. You might find out the next day that the stranger was "someone else's" cousin.
5. You might break a nose...And enjoy it.
6. You may awake to find yourself LOCKED inside your friend's car with the windows only slightly cracked for breathing purposes as if you were an animal, only to realize she's gone on to the next bar without you.
7. You may find yourself waiting outside of a bar to jump someone who started a fight with you in the bar, even if you have torn ligaments in the shoulder of your strong arm and it's immobilized.
8. You may start a fight with a hooker.
9. You may fall down and rip some borrowed clothes.
10. You just might give someone a hand job.
11. You might decide to drop trou and urinate in the bushes right in front of the big window at Denny's and think it's ok.
12. You might dance the Charleston in Denny's .
13. LADONT, ladon't let her near you if she's got a drink in her hand!
14. You may wake up the next morning with unexplained black eyes and cuts across your face.
15. You find out two weeks later that the black eyes and cuts came from a very large man who didn't appreciate your incredible charm (extreme sarcasm and mordant wit) like your friends do, who in turn proceeded to punch you not once but twice, knocking you off of your barstool.
16. You realize that 14 and 15 happen quite often.
17. You wear a sheet and a clip on mullet....ON PURPOSE!
18. You argue with random people at the hot dog stand outside of Moose's.
19. You may squirt you're best friend with ketchup and mustard and laugh about it.
20. You may be inclined to skip the trip to the bathroom and just urinate on the bar.
21. You might get video taped.
22. You may just lose all senses and go spelunking in "April flowers"
23. You might get a tid bit nipply.
24. Beer goggles are a bitch!
25. You may pass out at the table and drool so badly that Air Assault could rappel from it.
26. You may pass out and drool all over your roommate.
27. You just might find yourself having sex in the back of a truck (the bed I mean) in Saratoga Parking lot.
28. You could wake up and find yourself lying in a pool of pistachio shells
29. You might sleep with "sponge bob"
30. (when on deployment) "Fatal Attraction" with her "Sponge Bob" voice might drop a fist full of dimes and you wake up the next morning with a field grade.

....you know i love you dawg!

CHEW ON THIS....What I'm doing right now!