"Proper" Vehicle Maintenance

So, I'm not the mechanic type. And though I know most of the basic little rules, such as: change your oil every 3000 miles, I don't always abide by them. Not on purpose, I have been known to be somewhat forgetful at times. As far as oil changes go, lets just say I was VERY forgetful. I'll refrain from telling you just how many miles my truck did travel before I actually decided/remembered to change the oil because I want to avoid embarrassing myself as well as having all mouths of those who read this drop to the floor.

Friday afternoon, after an already long and stressful day, myself and Deeez Nuts, set out on a mission to maintain my vehicle. We stroll into Checkers and D just knows exactly where to go. (I shoulda took shop in High School! CURSES!) She goes and grabs this and that and this and that until we both have arms full. Oil filter, oil, some windshield washer fluid, a couple of tools, some box to soak up the oil, and "while we're at it" she says, she grabs an air filter. I walk out very satisfied with my purchases and impressed by Deanna's knowledge of the task at hand. Onward to IHO PLACE.

After throwing on some old clothes and feeling proud that I was finally going to do right by my truck AND I was going to learn to do something automotive related on my own, we set off to the car wash area of the complex. We said to hell with that memo that came out a month ago about no more oil changes there! I popped the hood, grabbed my flashlight and some rags and I was ready. Deanna slides up under the vehicle with the greatest of ease and starts to work her magic. I was the light holder. I didn't mind. I'm slightly claustophobic and well lets just say my truck is a tad bit lower to the ground then say the hmmvv's (that's humvees for all you civilians out there) I'm used to crawling underneath.

D was struggling with the bolt and asked me to take a stab at it. So now my once hexagon shaped bolt is now a complete circle. Yep, stripped to the bone! Why does anyone let me pick up tools? Didn't we learn our lesson with the drafting table incident? I grew up using my mom's heels as a hammer for christ sake. Just tell me NO from now on. Needless to say, we couldn't get the bolt off. Taking a break for a moment...we decided we'd tackle the air filter while we pondered what to do next on the oil change.

So, air filter's aren't supposed to be black! WHO KNEW? The disgusted look on Deanna and Rob's (who's brute strength made it possible to change said air filter) was enough to let me know that this was unacceptable. OOOPS. Oh well, now it's nice and white again and oh so fresh and so clean.

...back to the oil.

I decided I'd check the oil to see exactly how much was in there. I haven't checked it yet, so why not? YEP, bone dry! Go figure! We decided that in that case, there was so little oil to drain that not being able to remove the plug at this time wouldn't cause any further damage than my laziness had already created. "We'll just change the filter and add new oil" says Deanna. Back underneath the truck we go...

Deanna struggles for a good minute with the filter and her attempts to remove it meet with negative results. MY TURN...can't strip this one so I guess it was ok to let me have a stab at it. Twisting and turning for DAYS it felt like, while Rob and Deanna decided it was "Be mean to B day" as they stood over the truck. Not only discussing my negligence toward my vehicle but apparently I'm a bad friend as well 'cause I haven't been up to Rob's place yet for microwave hot dogs. MY BAD! I don't let their evil comments get me down though, just continue to play tug o war with this stupid filter. I ask Deanna, "Hey, no oil is going to come out right?" She replies with "Nah!"

I knock the catch pan/box thingy out of the way to try and get a better grip and position on the situation at hand. Few more tugs and FINALLY she's loose! I'm so excited....then AH HA! I GOT IT! Yep, I got it alright! Had I been just a little lower down it would have been straight out of the movie "Better Off Dead" OIL RIGHT IN THE EYE TYPE OF THING! But no, just down the arm, the shoulder, chest, so forth. Did I mention due to the extensive travel prior to...it was about 200 freakin degrees! AGH!

Roars of laughter from the peanut gallery.

And this is how not to take care of your vehicle!