alas....OUR VERY OWN FAN CLUB!

Never did I imagine that little ole me, alone with my little ole blog would create such a stir here on the (as Rob says) intra-web. However, lately, it has come to my attention that many have come to love and adore my nervous chatter. THIS WARMS MY HEART! I set out on a mission to touch the lives of those out there wandering around aimlessly in life. My only wish was for them to find me here, enter my protective wings and let me love them like no one before.

On that note, let's meet J! (refer to picture below) J, is a 29 year old CANUCKLEHEAD (courtesy of the Racial Slurs Database) male who lacks intimacy in his life. I can't imagine why such a charming 29 year old Matthew Lillard looking reject would have such a hard time finding intimacy. Let's read what J has to say about his troubles..."Funnily enough, I spent the majority of my childhood buried in books and avoiding other semi-social activities - I'm almost shamed to admit that I went through the whole roleplaying game geek phase... even more so to confess that I preferred sitting in my room and making characters rather than playing the game itself."

It does seem to offer a small glimpse into why J might not be able to find exactly what he is looking for. I mean, come on, socially detached since youth? Head constantly buried in a book? Please do not misunderstand, I am all about curling up with a good book, though I must admit I did manage to have quite a social interaction as a child, a teen, and now even as an adult I am constantly engaged in social activities. Probably the reason I have better things to do with my time then search the web for blogs to stalk and lay upon them my two meaningless cents. But let's look deeper than that. J continues "I don't have a nice car, I don't have a girlfriend, I don't have 'success' (but this is a whole other kettle of fish)... "

Why am I not surprised J? You are quite the looker! (detect underlying sarcasm here) PITY PARTY? TABLE FOR ONE? Awwww, poor J, I feel for you with my deepest of sympathies. See, what I imagine is this...J is a 29 year old internet dork who goes to work at a pathetic dead end job that his pricey ($5 dictionary, $7 thesaurus) vocabulary and excellent grammar couldn't even help him to get. No girl wants him for a few obvious reasons we have already disclosed, no nice car? I'd say that is a result of the career field he's chosen. I'm going to guess, barista? Or cashier at Borders (you know those cats are disgruntled rejects, MOST ANYWAY) I imagine that a day in the life of J would go as follows:

The alarm strikes the waking hour,
Out of bed and into the shower,
Stumble to the closet door,
Put on the green apron once more,
Turn the key of a broken down ride,
Won't start again, at least I tried,
Off to work, must catch the bus,
Where all day long I listen to fuss,
However did my life get this way?
Perhaps I should listen to what my shrink has to say?
9 hours down, the coffee is all out,
It wasn't so bad, til I saw my net pay amount,
Back to my house, my parents that is,
In a damp dark basement that's where I live,
Rush to my notebook, not the paper kind,
On the internet is where I spend my time,
Searching so hard site after site,
Same thing happens each and every night,
Start with some culture, maybe a blog or two?
Then its on to the personals sites when that's through,
No mail again today, why am I not loved?
Grab the lube and get the glove,
Connect to the porn now, got accounts on all sites,
For this is how I get to sleep each night,
Lying in bed tears fill my eyes,
I fight them back by telling myself lies,
Fooling myself on all scales
Burying the past forgetting how I've failed
No one is greater than I
and tomorrow I wake to continue the lie.

As I said, everyone, please welcome J into our lives, for he is a lost soul that needs some attention. All of us, more fortunate individuals with promising careers and significant others in our lives often forget the little guys. The miserable little people who because they lack a sense of self try to find it through the pain of others.

Let us pray..