Honorable Mention

I got so twisted up in my confusing constantly changing points that i failed to mention one very important aspect of my weekend. (as Best Friend would say, "Good story.")

My dear friend Deanna and roommate (until today *sniff* she's moved on to cheaper rent) and I celebrated our "Last Goonies Weekend" by bar hopping downtown. Starting first with MAGOOS off of University Ave. where the beer's cheap and the pizza is great...if you are drunk. DO NOT ATTEMPT SOBER. From there we made our way to Kapiolani Blvd to one of my favorite spots....BLACK GARTER . The beer certainly isn't cheap there, however, I did get to twirl her whilst we danced to "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" from there we made our way to Kelly O'neils off of Lewers. It was here that we hit the highlight of our evening. As we sat there and enjoyed the music of a live band, parked at the ONLY available table in the rear by the male restroom, place is forever packed, I spotted a young lad wearing "Rex Kwando pants" for those of you who don't understand what I mean by that comment, its is obvious you've never seen Nap Dynamite. GOSH! When I reference the pants, YES I MEAN THE AMERICAN FLAG ONES! Anyway, for those of you that do understand..continue on..if you don't continue on as well. So Deanna strikes up a little conversation with this dashing individual and asked him if he had seen the movie. He replied ever so snotty, "I lost brain cells watching that movie" In the words of Lewis Black, MY FIST STOPPED RIGHT AT HIS FACE! But before I broke his nose, Deanna says to the guy, "But no one wants a roundhouse kick to the face while you're wearing those pants" TOOOO CLASSIC! Made for an awesome night. WHY did I NOT take a picture with this camera phone o' mine? All that money for a camera phone I forget I have. Blah.

I think it is also important to mention this, my friends are known for their creativity of course, but I got a comparison today that I just feel as though I need to share with you beautiful people. This comes straight from my friend Erin (otherwise known as the E-liminator) who resides in ROME, NY (its like the West Virginia of New York)

..."(insert name of idiot here)'s intellect/intelligence is comparative to the size of a fruit flys testicle."

You gotta admit, that's pretty freakin small!

While I'm on Erin, let's also mention this. May I first say, witty little thing she is. She threw this riddle upon me today, "What do you get when you cross 2 tards and a military law enforcement personnel?"

referring of course to herself, Deanna, and me. Her answer?
"............maybe you get 3 tards"

Now, examine some of my ideas:
i must say, 2 tards plus a military police officer can = several options.

1. Nothing Special, Sorta Special, and Very Special
2. B.E.D version 2.0 (NEW AND IMPROVED) longer lasting, more fun, lots of tech support
3. Two monkeys and a Zoo Keeper
4. Two turntables and a microphone
5. Two Yanks and a Hillbilly
6. One SUPA DOPE FLY LESBIAN and her groupies
7. The Law meets the outlaws
8. one utterly amazing orgy
9. Our on little season of "LOST"
10. High risk for getting arrested

Lastly:

I discovered today that I was colorblind...after all these years...are you kidding me? I STRONGLY ENCOURAGE each of you to take the time and check yourself. I HAD NO IDEA! Explains alot. Like why I've NEVER matched anything I wore.

Color Vision Deficiency Test


NOTE WORTHY SPOTS TO PLAY ON:

1. Know who they are talking about (for my new found MN friend Dusty, a lovely friendship brought together by Robert)

2. Look at him go (for those who aspire to one day be able to cut up the rug like no other)

3, You too can be Mr. Miagi! (be a man, or woman, and play the darn thing!)

"help me" 

poor abused beta 

FREE TO GOOD HOME!

ATTN: Classified Ad's Section, HONOLULU ADVERTISER
cc EBAY
Please place the following ad in your paper/website until told otherwise

..ahem

FREE TO GOOD HOME. 1 bluish in color beta fish. Approximately 3 inches in length. Goes by the name Romeo and/or Poor little guy. Abandoned by owner in November 04. Comes complete with bowl, stand, and light. Light is useful in showing the green water said owner has left poor little guy to rot in. VERY SMART, can spell "help me" with fin on dirty glass. Is used to living in tight spaces ie one inch deep water. IMAGINE THAT, water evaporates after time. Interesting. Great with kids. Slightly nervous behavior. Great listener. NEEDS LOTS OF TLC! Free shipping world wide. If interested, inquire within at the TwO 6 zero FIZZIE.

ROCK STAR!

"I love technology, but not as much as you, you see, still I love technology"

a whole new language

All those who know me are aware that I work for an idiot. However my boy Rob (Big T) and I have decided that this is acceptable because she's got some big ole titties. Frankly though, it's rather frustrating to deal with such a moron. She does mean well I think but her efforts to be as we like to say in the Army "squared away" often land her flat on her face. You gotta give her props because she's from Poland thus indicating that English is a second language for her. Being a teacher of 10 year olds here in the wonderful world of Oahu I most def appreciate that because alot of my students are ESL. Therefore the occasional communication breakdown is somewhat expected. AHEM it is however when such an individual walks around constantly boasting proudly that she holds 2 degrees from UCLA (where she majored in the Russian Language) and thus claims to be the all seeing and all knowing that this can become extremely annoying.

For example, I'm 25 years old. I have a few years of higher education under my belt, granted not in RUSSIAN, but in majors that actually might help me in the real world, ie general studies, psychology, and elementary education. NEEDLESS to say I'm almost positive that I fully understand the meaning of the word summarize! Good ole SGT HLAVATY (yeah try saying that without sounding like you are hacking up a loogie) Felt the need to explain it to me anyhow.

See what had happened was...I got myself in a smidge of trouble. First time in my Army career. To make a long story short I had to do this ridiculously long paper / essay / otherwise known as an R.B.I. (Reply by Indorsement) Speaking of making up words, only in the Army do we spell the word endorsement with an I. UGH! I've strayed from point. Though before I continue if you'd like to read my buddy Rob's take on the whole thing you may do so here http://seamusmcpoop.blogspot.com/2005/01/if-only-it-was-like-beetle-bailey.html

The reason ole JOLA (pronounced Yola cause that's how they do it in Poland I guess) aka SGT Hlavaty, felt the need to explain to me what summarize meant is because after completing my ridiculously insane assignment, the crazy fella we call TOP asked, um no, ORDERED me to summarize all 20,000 words of it for an upcoming formation. Like I don't know what the word summarize means. GEEZ

If only it stopped there. The true reason for this post was not to tell you that, though it does offer a better insight to the world in which I am about to take you. I'm totally frustrated with people lately just making words up like its nothing. Just creating a whole new language and context for the words they choose to use. Stupidity, though funny at times, makes me angry! For starters, ENDORSEMENT IS NOT SPELLED WITH AN I!!!!!! Who do these Army people think they are just changing the dictionary to fit their own selfish needs. I'm almost positive that some uneducated idiot Non Commissioned Officer along the way figured and acronym of RBE would just be too hard to remember.

Big ole tittie Jola made her way on to my list rather early on as well. We received a shipment of supplies in our office one day and Mrs. Brilliant herself proclaims, "We need to inventorize this stuff before we leave today." After a loud chuckle and an eye roll I inquired, "don't you mean INVENTORY?" For my dear sweet stupid supervisor you must know that a: inventorize is not a word and b: here in the English language it happens from time to time that a word may be used as either a noun or a verb. SHE THEN PROCEEDED TO TELL ME I WAS AN IDIOT. WHAT??? Challenge me? I'll consult Mr. Webster himself. Of course, good ole Webster agreed with me. Inventorize is not a word! IMAGINE THAT. He also suggested I check with the Polish dictionary, maybe I could find it there. (side note I'd be scared of what I might find there) Jola continued to plea her case that it was in fact a word and that the entire group of us in the office were stupid and illiterate. Claiming that anyone with two degrees from UCLA must be correct and rest of us should bow down. TWO DEGREES IN RUSSIAN YOU FREAKING MORON! GOSH!!

I will say that eventually (weeks later) she hung her head in shame when it had been proven time and time again that inventorize was not a word. And now seems to be a growing joke through out our company. You gotta love people like this though. They bring laughter into your day!

It doesn't stop there with big titties. She, being an ethic individual should have more respect for others alike. However she cannot understand the concept that people from the land of Asia are commonly known as ASIANS and NOT ORIENTALS. Often I will hear her commenting like so, "this oriental girl...." I've told her time and time again, that oriental only counts in food and rugs, yet she still argues with me on this point. I then asked her if she'd appreciate being referred to as a Pollock. OUCH, the repercussions of that were to be expected.

But lets get off Mrs. Jola for a moment. She is far from the only individual around me that just enjoys making up words. Rob and I were riding around the other day, running errands and so forth. At my favorite little spot here on the island (Cash N Advance) I was once again receiving a pay day loan. STAY TUNED FOR MY THEORY ON MONEY. The little girl in the booth tells me that the next time I come in I can get an increasement. Why do people insist on making things harder than they need to be? Much like Jola's inventorize, thinking that inventory couldn't work as both a noun and a verb. This coy little girl behind the bars said "increasement" as though increase didn't serve the purpose.

Another common one I hear all the time and even lost my composure when I heard it fly from the mouth of a news caster on a morning news show, would be irregardless. IRREGARDLESS IS NOT A WORD PEOPLE! Understand that the concept you are trying to portray with the IR you are already expressing with the word REGARDLESS itself! Don't believe me? Consult the experts. I would not tell you a lie!

People are out there just straight re-writing the dictionary! Even my father (we call him deddy), whom I absolutely idolize, who is my hero, has been known to misconstrue a word or two in his day. Most of his more funny ones are slipping my mind at the moment. Though I do remember this one and at the time of its use offered the needed comic relief that it provided. My grandfather (his dad), another one of my heroes had just passed away. The family was there, all but me, I had to take emergency leave and was on my way home from Fort LostintheWoods MO. Everyone's mood was sad and grim as the death of a loved one is not a happy occasion. My father, on the phone with the funeral director said the following, "well, I know my dad wanted to be cremated and placed in a urinal" Poor deddy, meaning urn of course, but it did manage to lighten the mood for the entire family as he realized his mistake!

Ok, enough of this for a moment. But keep your eyes peeled for I will add new, new words whenever I come in contact with them.